On posting pictures of our kids on the internet + the dilemma it brings up for memory keepers.
My son turned 3 years old in March and we had a pretty epic time celebrating. It included pufferfish goodie bags for his classmates, a Chuck E. Cheese party with cousins, a trip to the American Museum of Natural History to see a wooly mammoth skeleton + all the sea creature tableaus, and a trip to the aquarium to see a real life porcupine puffer. It was his perfect birthday week, and I want to remember it forever…
…but my son turning 3 really shifted something in me. As much as I wanted to shout from the rooftops that my best bud was turning 3 (3 already!) and publicly honor in words + photos how much I love who he is and what he’s brought to my life, something stopped me. As epic as his birthday week was, I found myself hesitating to post anything about it.
So what’s going on?
Well, first, something to note: just typing out the title of this post and seeing the words “posting pictures of our kids on the internet” across the screen in bold black & white created a visceral reaction in me that said “Don’t do that.”
Soooo…what’s going on?!
For the first three years of my son’s life, I subconsciously viewed him as an extension of myself. I was awestruck at the amazing “thing” I created - what I wanted to experience my whole life was finally here - I’m a mom. It’s natural to want to express gratitude for this experience, to want to share it, to remember its milestones…
However, at 3 years old, my son is no longer this ‘thing’ I’m experiencing. He has unmistakably, undoubtedly become his own unique individual person. I am now a mom (guide/protector/etc.) to this other human being. I think part of it has to do with THAT: me honoring his wishes as his own person and knowing 3 years old is not old enough to express what he desires as far as how much or little he wants to be shared on internet.
Another part of it is what it means to put yourself on the internet - it basically means that you are for consumption. As a millennial, by the time I was putting myself on the internet, I was in college and able to make my own decisions about it, able to garner enough understanding about how I wanted to be consumed - (through a mostly creative + inspirational lens).
Our kids will not have this privilege. They are going to be (already have been) thrust into this sphere of unlimited access because they can be…before anyone really even asks themselves if they should be.
We are creating our kids digital footprints before they can even walk.
…and who will be gaining unlimited access to them? THAT’S THE QUESTION. We’d like to think for the most part its friends, family, close acquaintances, people we’ve never met in real life but who send you nothing but positivity through the screen…and while I’m not one to live my life dictated by fear, we’d be very naive to think that’s the extent of who is potentially gaining access to them.
I took a picture of my kid on the lawn outside of his school on the eve of his 3rd birthday, innocent + smiling big, with his beloved pufferfish toy in his hand, wearing his “I’m 3 Happy Birthday to me!” new tshirt. The thought that someone would view that photo without the same love + pure intentions I had while taking it just sends me! IT SENDS ME.
It sends me, and my immediate next reaction is: I can’t risk it.
Is that just fear making decisions? Maybe. Is it hella fun to post your kids and have others comment how cute they are? Yeah it is because DUH! they are! But I’ve been around long enough to know (and in this day + age especially) it takes one negative to cancel out an entirety of positives. Remember when that one naughty kid in class caused the whole class to miss out? Society is like that tenfold. Millionfold, even.
The dilemma for memory keepers
If you are a memory keeper like me, the family’s historian and documentarian, and this is your craft, what you find joy in, and an overall part of how you process your life, what does this mean for us?
Every time I ask myself whyyyyy I’ve shared my kids on the internet, the same answer comes up for me: to memory keep. The feeling of “remember this happened” is everpresent in my soul - because I’ve so appreciated all the ways my mom has documentation of my childhood to look back on, and because I wish I had access to more of my grandmothers’ pasts… but neither of these are or would have been publicly broadcasted in the way posting our kids on the internet is now.
I have loved all my monthly round-up posts on my Substack and wanted to continue with that series, but as a stay-at-home mom with pretty much all of the photos being of sweet ordinary moments with my children…how can I continue?
The dilemma this brings up for me and new questions I have to figure out the answer to are as follows:
How can I create a system of documenting my kids’ childhood that protects their privacy while still sharing my love + passion for this craft online?
I mentioned in this post that at this point in time, any projects I post featuring them won’t be edited or adjusted (what I’m considering a weird loophole) but straight-up posting my kids photos will cease.How can I create a SUSTAINABLE system of documenting my kids’ childhood that fits into this busy season of my life in this all-encompassing role as a full-time mom?
I’m trying to figure this out and hope to share what I’ve discovered with all of you. I’m imagining an online space where inspiration + accountability intersect. A space for all our creative documentation (albums, journals, planners, etc.) to come together to form one thing. That’s what I’m thinking. Is that vague enough for you? LOL …I haven’t fleshed out all the fine details. That’s what the next few months are for. <3Where can I store the infinite amount of photos of them that keep rolling in if not on social media?
My i-phone storage was pretty much MAXED OUT RED, with like 70,000+ photos since 2019 (please tell me I’m not alone) and a kind man named Craig from my local mobile service store told me about Google Photos…and LIFE. CHANGED.
I plan to write a short separate post on this, but my advice if you’re an Apple user is to always consult with a tech expert who DOESN’T work for Apple about a problem you’re having with an Apple product. They will give you multiple solutions, not just solutions that trap you into Apple’s inferior products (I’m talkin’bout YOU, i-cloud!).Will I be viewed as a whole person if I don’t share the whole of me online?This one is a weird one because it’s not about the memory keeping, it’s about being a content creator. An odd fear pops up of being “too business” and not enough “human” if I don’t allow myself to be an open book on the internet. It’s most definitely my own issue because I follow plenty of people who have stopped sharing their kids online and whose content I still value. Isn’t it so strange how we often don’t give ourselves the grace and understanding we so freely give to others?
Am I going to delete past posts that feature my kids and scrub my instagram of their photos?
The short answer:
Maybe. Probably. Eventually. But not now.
The long answer:
I’m somebody who takes the time to look back at what I’ve posted, to relive those memories again, and to process the blessings that were and are my babies. It’s my gratitude practice, if I really think about it.
It’s going to be a hard rewire of my memory keeper brain whose default is REMEMBER ALL THE THINGS to..uh…well…actually let the memories go. If this sounds dramatic, it’s because it is a serious dilemma for me. Memory keeping is my gratitude practice, the way I process my life, so it feels like a jolt to my equilibrium to imagine lighting my memories on fire, so to speak.
[sigh] Deep breath. It’ll all be okay.
I’m am in the process of positioning myself differently on the internet + working hard behind the scenes developing real things and experiences I could offer. …like the stuff I mentioned earlier.
Bottom line: I will no longer offer my kids just to have content to share…and - with that said - it’s kind of exciting to think about what content will then be forced to come to fruition. I hope you stay tuned, friends. I appreciate you for being here. <3 Amanda the Memory Keeper OUT.
